My best friend lost his father some time back.
Through this article, I wish to share with you my experience and the ordeal of a bereaving son of a young father. PLEASE have some patience and give this a read.
I knew uncle for years, he was the one who gave us all the food and water when we were done playing at my friend’s place. He treated us just like his kids and we used to pull each other’s leg whenever we got a chance to. Never spoke much about him with my friend, but all of us loved him.
When we heard about his ailing health, we went to see him at the hospital. He was pale, unconscious and his body was swollen. Aunty was crying and my friend tried his best to not, as he wanted to be the pillar of strength for her.
The next thing I know, I was lifting his corpse along with my friend.
I can’t imagine his ordeal, I don’t intend to publicise their pain, but this is only about how this incident made me change the way I see my father.
My father and I had always been competing with each other. I always considered his views archaic and orthodox and had been a big critic of his methods. I knew so many friends (especially females) who were so attached to their father and I used to wonder why my father isn’t like theirs. Despite him working hard 24*7 to give me the lifestyle I wanted, he didn’t seem to be enough. We were so formal that in almost 22 years, we never even hugged when he used to leave for his business trips. Even to just say ‘sorry’, it took a lot of courage on my part and I gathered that very rarely. For me, I owed him a lifetime for his efforts, but he didn’t matter to me as much as my friends did. Friends are life, I said to him.
I am sure many of you can’t relate do this, but I am also sure that many of you do. Especially sons. We have this wall between us and our fathers. We have this line of control. Can’t be emotional. Can’t share personal stuff. Can’t express our love for him. But it’s not that we are like that by nature. We can totally be the loving types with our friends, can’t we?
The day my friend lost this father, I spent hours thinking about how he would have had so much to say to his father. One last laughter, one secret to share, one last drink or just one last ‘I love you.’
I couldn’t imagine the pain. All I could do was wonder, as to how I’ve lost those moments with my father not knowing that one day he will be gone…
I feel father’s are slightly underrated. Maybe because ‘Maa’ takes over the limelight as she is more expressive of her love. (Maybe I can’t put this right, but I hope you know what I mean) I think we all need to appreciate his work more and acknowledge the fact that he doesn’t express himself, but we mean the world to him. Infact, secretly, he wants us to be better than him. He just can’t tell it to us.
I realised that if I can give it my all to save a year old friendship, I can very well do that to be bff’s with my dad.
Since that incident, I’ve tried to do my bit to express my gratitude towards him, to discuss personal issues, to talk about current affairs and to just ask him about work. To my surprise, it’s worked wonders. Though, most of the credit goes to him for being proactive in changing the equation.
I can assure you this, there are only very few things in this world that can give you more joy than being friends with your father. I was so skeptical and thought it’d be so awkward, but I was wrong. Totally wrong.
In the end, for those who can relate to this story, I can only ask you to get out of your comfort zone and live those little moments with the man who will leave no leaf unturned to give you everything you need. Learn from his experiences, listen to his ‘boring’ childhood stories or just talk to him over dinner. I don’t know if it’ll change your life, but it will definitely ensure you don’t regret being the son/daughter you were.
He is at the door and I plan to check one more thing off my bucket list- Hugging him. It’s going to be super awkward, but who cares, I love him.
I hope I was successful in inspiring a few of you and also, I don’t intend to generalise and so for those who have a perfect equation with daddy, I’m envious and it’s WIP for me. 🙂